To worry is a lack of faith…..

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I”. Psalm 61:2

I live a life that is overwhelmed. Partly by my own doing and partly by the doing of others……okay 95% of my own doing. I am a perfectionist, dependable and a little OCD, all great qualities of someone who can not turn down being asked to complete extra work or tasks. Oh how I wish I was a slacker, getting by doing the absolute minimum work without getting fired. Not caring what work ethic is and settling for mediocre. I tried to be a slacker one time……it lasted like 5 seconds and I was off to work. The sad part of my overwhelmed life is that while I am so overwhelmed and consumed with my job and everything I have going on there I neglect everything else……sleep, health, relationships, family, church, my walk with God………… all of these things 100 times more important than a silly job. A job that could easily not be there or in an instant change………..now I do not want to just transfer my overwhelmed-ness to the rest of my life but I would like to put the same amount of effort into my employment to the rest of my life…….

I found this picture (well one like it) on Pinterest the other day and set it as my lock screen to remind me that in my moments of being overwhelmed I need to give it to God and let go of it…………weirdly enough it kind of works. 9ccbdb2b98f2f721b036f0701e3d9953

Sometimes I think we need those reminders to let it go. Sometimes we just need to be patient and let God work. I probably have mentioned it before but I am not a patient person. I really do not like having to depend on others to do things that I am fully capable of doing myself (and most likely do right). I am a perfectionist and kind of like to be in control…….this causes problems with my walk. If you weren’t aware, God likes to be in control. He likes to have every turned over to Him so He can work, in His own timing….not Jacquie’s timing………..not mine at all. I have always struggled with this……..whether it be in letting God do things or with letting my boyfriend put gas in my truck (sorry babe), I really don’t like things out of my control or feeling like I am helpless or not knowing how things are going to turn out. 95% of my stress or overwhelmed moments are because I am too worried about the unknown and things that have not happened yet.

“To worry is a lack of faith”…….each Tuesday my clients have to do thinking reports where they practice changing their thoughts on situations throughout their weeks. At the end of their thinking reports they need to put attitudes and beliefs. One of the most common is “to worry is a lack of faith”………………such a true statement. While I am sitting there worrying about the outcome of whatever and stressing myself out, I am having such little faith that God is taking care of it. That things are going to workout according to His plan……….His plan………..everything works out when it is His plan……yet I am so consumed in trying to hold onto whatever ounce of control I thought I had that I lose sight of that……I lose sight that this is not my life to control and that God has such a higher purpose for me than the job that I am killing myself over. So I go back to that picture. When I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed and I find myself worrying about the smallest irrelevant things I look at my phone to remind myself to give it to Him. to remind myself that “to worry is a lack of faith”.

~Jacqueline Alyse

P.S. I can listen to this on repeat!

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Resistance is futile………

I am really, really bad at this blog thing……

So to catch you up on my horrifically boring life:

1: My pinteresting aspirations got the best of me and I succeeded in creating a Pinterest fail……Over night oats, or as I like to refer to them as Over night NOPES!! If you are completely lost and have no idea what I am talking about let me catch you up to speed. On Pinterest there are several recipes for what appear to be really yummy looking over night oatmeal things. So in my effort to be healthy and actually eat breakfast in the morning I made one of these recipes for the entire week…………….Talk about a bad idea (hence being renamed Over night NOPES)! My taste buds/stomach/entire body hated me after these monstrosities. I could go into detail about these but just thinking about them makes me gag! Of course being the optimistic person that I am, I brainwashed myself into thinking that as I kept eating them they would get better in taste…WRONG…….When that did not work I kept eating them because throwing them away wasted money………….Eventually I gave up and the Oats won…………The following week I tried a different recipe but it was worse than the first one! Lesson learned: I should make unhealthy versions of healthy recipes, they will most definitely taste better and be a better use of my money!

2: One of our counselors at work was let go last week and I became Public Enemy #1…When something happens have you ever been that person that people blame even though you had nothing to do with the situation???? That seems to be a common theme in my life. The titanic sank, Jacquie’s fault. Stock market crashed: Jacquie’s fault. Women want equal rights: Jacquie’s fault. Gas prices go up/go down: Jacquie’s fault. We have to breath air to survive: Jacquie’s fault………..I really don’t take it personally anymore, I mean who knew I was such an influential person?? I should use my powers to get rid of my student loans or car payment or something in my benefit! Anyway, I digress……….this past week I was public enemy number #1 for doing what I was told. “Jacquie, you are doing night groups” so I do night groups. “Jacquie move your stuff into her office”, so I move into her office….I just do what I am told. This results in people boycotting my groups and whining all week long. In my mind I want to say “Sorry you are throwing a fit because you don’t get away with anything now, but I didn’t want to do your groups anyway!” or “Good do outpatient at Mental Health, I don’t even like you!” but apparently that is not ethical or something like that, so I smile and bite my tongue and accept the fact that everything is my fault this week………….

Now that you are all caught up, you are probably realizing that you really didn’t need to be caught up and that I probably need a life! Well I am working on it, so bare with me!

~Jacqueline Alyse

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…….

Don’t let the title confuse you, no I am not in love, no I have not found the one in which my soul loves (well I don’t think so anyway).

Have you ever just met a person who is just great in every way? Like they are genuine and sweet and just talking to them makes you feel better?? Yeah me either…………..Ha just kidding but seriously? Have you met that person? I think I have met that person, maybe, I’m not really sure. Now before I get texts, messages, and phone calls, no I am not telling you who he is, where he is from, and what he does. I am not superstitious but I have a think about not getting my hopes up. I don’t talk about or introduce guys to my family or friends because in the chance it doesn’t work out (so far it hasn’t) I don’t want there to be disappointment or the awkward “do I have to delete him from Facebook since you guys broke up, because we are still friends?” thing. I think mainly I just don’t want to be hurt or be looking to far into something that is not really there………….

ANYWAY, enough of that…..I have never really been good at this whole dating thing. I blame my brothers partially for that and my high standards for the other part. Normally when I am talking to a guy, at this point I begin to find every possible thing that could be wrong so I slowly drift away. I don’t think that is high standards but back to that fear of being hurt. This fear has kept me from giving some great guys chances. This fear has saved me from giving awful guys chances….it is a real double edge sword.

So how do I get over this fear?!?!? Giving it to God is my best bet because if it is His will it will surely work out…….So that is what I am going to do. Give it to God, not pick a part and drift away……Here is to getting out of my comfort zone and giving this dating thing a real college try!

~Jacqueline Alyse

And so it begins………..

Not even the third post in and I already have been slacking for a week………….time to adjust my goal from daily blogging to at least once a week. Adjustments are good because it does not mean you are giving up but means that you are finding a better way to achieve your original goal but in smaller steps.

Smaller steps………something I have never been good at. I am one of those hyper-achieving people that goes big or goes home. There is no try, just do. Small steps are irrelevant. The only pace is fast. That is how I go to where I am today. I kept my nose to the grind stone and did not settle for good but went for great.

I had a friend ask me a year ago if I felt like I was over educating myself……………..Over educating? Is that even a thing? Why would someone not want to have all the education they could and better themselves? Why would they not want to make themselves as marketable to a future employer as they could? Why would someone not be the best at whatever they did? Over educating?? Upon him asking this I found myself becoming defensive and little hurt that he would ask such a question, but I was missing the question. He did not mean that I was over learning and over achieving, but that I was being so focused on school and getting another degree that I was pushing everything else aside and not having a life.

I am 24 years old with a masters degree and a career. Most people my age are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives and taking those smaller steps to get there. They have social lives and are building memories while working on finding their places in life. They are traveling, having relationships and just being 24…………..I don’t know if I will ever know what it is like to just be 24. I have always been mature for my age. Never really spent time goofing off and just living because that never fit in with my plan or my goal in life. (Both of those things are non-existent today, because funny story, God’s plan always supersedes ours own.) So a social life has been pushed aside (it helps not being from here and having like 5 friends), relationships have been pushed aside, and just being my age has been pushed aside……..

So I was asked in Sunday school this morning what my goals were for this new year. One of the ones I said was to have more time for myself (and to have more of a social life). How am I going to do this? When I figure it out I will let you know. But I am going to do it. I am going to start being my age every once in a while. Getting out of my comfort zone and living a little. Having a social life, having a relationship (s), and just being 24. If you have any ideas of how I can do this please let me know because I will be flying blind 🙂

Maybe you are the same boat. Have you been so consumed in something that you have neglected yourself or what really matters? If so I challenge you to make a goal and take those baby steps to make a change and do something different and uncomfortable with your life. There is so much more to life then being serious all the time and I can’t wait to figure it out.

~Jacqueline Alyse

Spoiled, blessed, or a little bit of both?

” Lord my God, You have done many things. Your wonderful works and Your plans for us; none can compare with You, if I were to report and speak of them they are more than can be told.”- Psalm 40:5 HCSB

 

As I sit and read this verse I am forced to think about everything I have in my life; parents that are still together, siblings that get along and love me, friends that are true, a brand new truck and money to put gas in it, a ridiculous amount of shoes and clothes (many of which I never wear), a fancy phone, computer, and tablet, but more importantly I have a sovereign Lord and Savior that gave His life so that I may live eternally with Him. As the verse says, ” if I were to report and speak of them they are more than can be told”, so there are so many more things I have been blessed with that I can’t even imagine right now………So why do we want more? Why is that we do not have enough? Why can we not find satisfaction in the things He has already given us? Why have we convinced ourselves that with more we will be happier? That with something different life will be complete?

Is it because we are spoiled? Is it because I am spoiled? Now if you were to ask my brothers this they would probably say yes, but am I really? I have never demanded to get everything I wanted or the most expensive and flashy things ( I mean for Christmas I asked for socks!), because things are not my thing. I do not find my worth in how much I have or what I do not have.

As Christians I think we act spoiled. We have been blessed and given so much from God that we forget we need to share our blessings. We are to share the One who blessed us because without Him we would have and be nothing. This is something I am guilty of doing. When something goes right I forget to thank God for blessing me but the moment something goes wrong or not as planned I am too quick to as for His help. Or when someone comments on something I have or something that has happened in my life,  I am too quick to take credit.

So how do we change this selfish behavior we have? As a therapist I have worksheets for everything but not for this. I think when we act like this there is something off in our walk. Something that needs to be examined in our spirituality and fixed. This is where we need to start. This is where the change should take place so that we can get back on track and we can begin to share like we are supposed to.

In my first page? Post? Blog thingy? I wrote that this was going to be the year of me but I want to amend that. This year is going to be the year of me through Him. The year of me sharing what He has blessed me with and giving all the glory back to Him. The year that in all that I do He can be seen.

God, thank you for everything you have blessed me with in my life, even when I do not deserve them. Thank you for continuing to bless me even when I am acting spoiled or selfish. I pray that this year You show me the areas that need to be changed in my life so that I may be more satisfied with all that I have and that I may be a better testimony of You and Your love. Amen.

~Jacqueline Alyse

What’s in a blog……..

January 2, 2016 at 3:25pm, I decided to began a blog. I am still undecided about what this literary adventure is going to entail but eventually I will figure it out. For those of you reading this and thinking that I am a hot mess, you are partially correct, so if that makes you uncomfortable stop reading now because it will only get worse.

I am not one for making resolutions because I never follow through. I have had a gym membership since July and have gone once. I have a savings account with no savings but so many good intentions. But this year, I followed through with creating a blog and have decided it is MY year. My year to follow through on everything I have said I was going to do. My year to get back to the happiness I once knew and to be carefree again. I have also decided it is going to be my year to find love and friendship and to get my relationship with God stronger than it has ever been. This year is going to be MY YEAR!

So now I have figured out the purpose of this blog. It is going to help me keep myself accountable with everything I am planning to achieve. While I keep myself accountable I hope that you will as well and maybe find yourself being held accountable. Here is to a new year and new experience!

~Jacqueline Alyse